Children don’t arrive with an instruction book. Raising children and providing for their physical as well as emotional needs as they mature is a challenging job for which we receive little preparation or formal training. Our fast paced and ever-changing society has only served to make the demands of parenting even more complicated. Not only do our children remain under our care for a longer period of time but also many of the institutions in our communities are less able to support the needs of the family. In addition, in our information age era it is extremely difficult for a parent to reinforce a set of values which differs in any way from our mass culture. Furthermore, the increase of women in the workforce coupled with a tough economy has created even more stress on the family. For economic as well as personal reasons women are often torn between career and motherhood with these conflicts not only spilling over into the workplace but also producing stress for themselves, their partners and the children.
Schools have not been able to adequately respond to the strain on the family. The educational establishment is largely bureaucratic and run by individuals seemingly comfortable with the status quo. At the same time parents have demanded more involvement in school decision making and greater accountability for school quality. School people are slow to respond to changes in the external environment and continue to adhere to policies and practices which might have been more appropriate in the past. Therefore, it should not be surprising that parenting has become isolating and frustrating and is robbing both parent and child of the joy and satisfaction of this critical life experience.
We often approach parenting reflexively, relying on what we learned from how we were parented without reflecting on what we are doing. Even though we might not always be mindful of where it came from, probably a mixture of grandma and unfiltered media advice, we are operating on a set of principles about parenting that needs to be examined for its accuracy and effectiveness.
The Family Centered Parenting® approach to parenting which will help parents develop their own style of parenting that is grounded in a philosophy of parenting. It will not just offer a set of guidelines, but will give parents the tools necessary to make thoughtful decisions about their parenting options that exist within a consistent system of beliefs. Since Family Centered Parenting is more a process than a program it is sufficiently flexible to be adapted to a variety of family situations – single parents, child with special needs, blended families, ranges in age of children and a variety of value structures.
Is Your Parenting Style Rooted In A Philosophy?
One’s philosophy of parenting is not separate and apart from one’s beliefs about human nature and behavior. We have certain principles about how we think people behave and how they should behave. These principles will find their way into our parenting practices whether or not we consciously acknowledge them. Our most fundamental beliefs are based in our view of human nature. For example, if we believe that people are inherently selfish, looking for the easy way out, and prone to stray from moral behavior unless fearful of punishment, then we will adopt a parenting style that is characterized by close supervision, mistrust and threats for wrong doing. Conversely, if we believe that given the appropriate environment people will tend to be self-motivated and cooperative, our parenting style will be more hands off and based on trust and teaching responsible behavior.
Before one moves on to the implementation phase of Family Centered Parenting with children, the importance of creating a warm trusting relationship must again be strongly emphasized. Many of the strategies that are explored in Family Centered Parenting depend on trusting relationships within the family. These can only be developed through the use of communication skills which reinforce the principles of respect for the worth and dignity of the individual. Learning and practicing effective communication skills will enable us to model what we want our children to learn and allow us to coach them along the way.
Richard C. Horowitz, Ed.D. (Dr. H) has 45 years of experience working with children and families. A Rutgers University graduate, he has served as a teacher, professor, principal, school administrator, CEO, trainer, and parenting and life coach. He is the author of Family Centered Parenting – Your Guide For Growing Great Families. A dedicated community leader and volunteer, Dr. H is passionate about helping individuals and families achieve their goals. He is a father, stepfather, and grandfather.
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